I Miss Life!

I miss life!

There. I said it. What so many of us are thinking but afraid to say. As an extrovert, I am not ok!

There. I said that too. I am not ok!

But, it’s ok, to not be ok. I think that’s a coined phrase by someone, but it’s true. Not being ok is not the end of the world. In fact, quite the opposite. When we aren’t ok, we have to make some decisions, whether good or bad.

So, let me whine a bit, then share the decisions I’ve made. Good and bad!

We moved out of our house at the end of December 2018, in order to build our last house downtown. We love being able to walk out our door and go get a cup of coffee or have a drink at a downtown pub with our friends. So many things have happened to delay the start of this dream. So much, in fact, I really don’t think about the timing of getting there. I just know one day we will. Anyway, we are temporarily living in an apartment. It’s close to the local college, so we have a lot of college age neighbors. It’s also where many of our workforce housing people live. And I love all of that.

Usually.

Except now when we’re all stuck here together. 

Our building process is being set back even more now with the Corona debacle.  I know people are trying. Banks are trying. Boards are trying. But it just sucks. Yep, I used that word because that is what it is. Then all the stuff going on around my living circumstances. Have to close my balcony door because a neighbor is smoking on theirs. Have to keep the puppy from barking because I don’t want to disturb the kids below us. Constant noise. Kids screaming. Babies crying. Dogs barking. Trash trucks. Loud muffler cars. Constant!! So I decided I hate this apartment!

Well, short of a miracle, we have the rest of this year to live here. So I have choices and decisions. My first choice was to waller. I couldn’t write. I couldn’t read. I could watch Netflix and play Candy Crush. I can’t, or I shouldn’t, get out and walk around a store or go have lunch with a friend. So I took a nap, played Candy Crush and watched Netflix. Then I made another choice. I wanted cake! Oh, I could eat a banana, but I did that the night before. I wanted cake! Off to the store I went and I bought that cake. Just a small one, but I did it. And I ate it. And Scott ate it. And it was good. 

Through it all, there has been one decision I have not changed. I will spend every morning when I get up with my cup of coffee and my Bible. Nothing earth shattering or life altering. I’m in the Old Testament right now, so it’s even a little confusing at times. But I do it. And I pray. That’s even harder than reading the Old Testament right now! And today, the still, gentle guidance of the Holy Spirit, let me know it’s all ok. Once we get through this, it will be so much better than we even imagined. We will have an appreciation we couldn’t have possibly had without all of this. He let me know it’s ok to have a time to sleep and debrain with Candy Crush. Then He let me know that the Father’s mercies are new every morning! So today I am ok. I am writing. I am learning. I am listening. And I’m going to be ok. Even if I’m not ok now. Even if my life seems way off track. Even if I have to sit in this apartment for the next year. I’m going to be ok. And so are you…

How are you doing? Are you ok? Are you not? Let me know how I can encourage you today.

19 thoughts on “I Miss Life!

  1. Hubby and I are doing well. We video chat with our 2 years old grandson and his parents. They live in the next town but we are staying home and they are staying home. Things are different now, for sure. I am glad to know God is with us in this troubled time. Have a blessed weekend.

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    1. Glad you all are well. We are actually taking our 11 years old grandson next week to give our daughter a break. They live in Atlanta. They have a 10 month old too. It’s super hard not seeing him as he’s growing so much!

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  2. Agree with you. We are ok in the big picture, but day to day? Tough sometimes. I’m struggling with feeling like I “should” be doing something more productive, or different, or better than I am. When really, my hands are tied on a lot of things right now. Waiting…….practicing patience. Appreciating the fact that I have a house to shelter in, but concerned for those who don’t. Appreciating the fact that my husband can work from home, but concerned that I can’t right now because my business is closed. Appreciating that I can go to the grocery store, but concerned that I shouldn’t. The familiar is taken away right now and I’m looking forward to the other side where we learn a new, better way of living. So I will also be patient with myself and forgiving if I’m not “up to par” throughout this.

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    1. It’s weird to feel weird going to the grocery store. Wearing masks. Constant sanitizing. But it won’t feel weird for long. It will be the new normal I believe. Praying all goes well with business down and you’re able to maintain. 🙏🏻

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  3. I want my life back too. April of 2019 I broke my foot, one week later I broke my wrist. In May my beloved father-in-law passed away. In June I went to the ER with what the doctors thought was heart failure, thankfully it wasn’t. In July we made the decision we had to move in with my mother-in-law because she did not want to leave her home and really didn’t have enough income to move. We packed our clothes, left our home and furnishings in the hands of our son and moved. It has been difficult, as my style is as different as day is from night. Also, last year I was scheduled to have hip surgery, but my doctor would not clear me, so it was postponed. Over the past year that hip and my knees have gotten so bad I Can barely walk and I use a cane. On Feb 16, 2020 I got what we thought was a stomach flu, I suffered for two weeks before I had a doctors appointment, where he found my hemoglobin was down to 4, normal is 12-14. I was hospitalized with bleeding ulcers due to a prescription for Advil. Within a week I had a UTI! My hemoglobin is still at only 10 and my blood sugar is low. My hip surgery was scheduled for April 8, that was cancelled, no elective surgery. I told my hubs I am beginning to feel like Job. But, I can wake up each day giving thanks to my awesome God. I have Him, His Word , and although our living situation makes finding a place for quiet time strained, I am learning and have learned to be content in all situations. I know this too shall pass, but in my human moments I want my life back!!!

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  4. Life has certainly changed and shifted for most of us. We are facing loss of a magnitude that has us reeling and grieving. But in the midst of all this, I search for things to be grateful for. Focusing on the good, that can be found amongst the hard, helps ground me in these turbulent time. And I have becoming increasingly aware of what it must be like for those people who face health challenges that keep them housebound and isolated all the time. We feel thankful that we are currently doing well, we are able to get out for daily walks and FaceTime with our children and grandchildren. Not the same as seeing them and being able to hug them, but still reassuring to see their faces and catch up.

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  5. You are not alone. These things are also happening to us. You’ve just described how life has been for most. We all have had one inconvenience after another. We all miss our grandchildren and our children. One friend almost didn’t make it back into the country. Another friend didn’t. He’s trapped in a dangerous spot. My husband had to fly toward the virus as it erupted in NYC / NJ because our daughter’s house burnt down. Another friend gave birth. Yet another one is dealing with breast cancer and must have surgery this week. All of us were in the middle of life, the middle of carrying out our dreams and our plans and our jobs.

    And then, the Lord allowed a virus to sweep the earth. To adapt to his plan, we try to keep the complaining to a minimum, lest we discourage one another in our quarantine. We try to avoid bickering over small things as we’re in this house together for weeks and weeks. We often fail at that. We pray for our leaders who have to make all of these decisions. We comply with the instruction to socially distance, regardless of what we see our neighbors doing and regardless of how frustrated we are. We try to make the best of it. Often we fail. I think we’re all doing the best that we can. Only by God’s grace will we get through this.

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  6. I love this gentle reminder from the Holy Spirit to remain in His Word, no matter what happens to mix up our routines. Thank you for sharing how you’re doing with us. I get stir crazy at times, but my husband and I just traveled for two weeks around New Zealand and got home just in time for quarantine. So I think because I am still living off the excitement of that vacation while at the same time happy to be home in my bed, I’m doing OK. 🙂

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    1. Oh wow, that sounds amazing! It’s a bucket list for us for sure. My husband and I are travelers. So this staying put and not seeing an end is difficult. But we live in a beautiful area and we do not take that for granted! Peace as you come back to reality 🙂

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  7. So thankful God’s mercies are new every morning, and we are all learning what this new life situation looks like and holds for each of us. Yes, I struggle in the same areas as you. It IS okay not to be okay. This is powerful: “…the still, gentle guidance of the Holy Spirit, let me know it’s all ok. Once we get through this, it will be so much better than we even imagined. We will have an appreciation we couldn’t have possibly had without all of this. “

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  8. We are well here too. Learning new ways to keep ourselves entertained. We walk most days which is good for us. I started a paint by numbers and doing some cross stitch. But, I am trying to connect more with God each day. I am learning to Be Still and know He is God.

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  9. Sorry for your home situation. It is hard, even in normal circumstances, to build a new place but then when things are like today, with the quarantine? Ugh. I feel for you. But then there is cake. And God. And His Word. Life ain’t too bad when you have those three things 😉

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  10. I am not in an apartment, but I do understand what it is like to live in one. I grew up in them. I remember the noise.

    As for now, I am torn. I am naturally an introvert; I love reading and having time to ponder and think, but even I am getting antsy over this quarantine. I need people, we all do. So, in some respects, I’m looking forward to getting together with those I love, but I want to keep my slower pace of life, too. 🙂 Thank you for being real!

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