I Am Nobody

I am nobody. White. Female. Middle-class. A blur in the masses. 

I am not Hillary Clinton. I am not Oprah Winfrey. I am not Beth Moore. I am Barb. 

But… I write to heal. I write out of obedience. I pray I write to teach and to learn.

I grew up in a small town in the Midwest. I grew up poor, but not in poverty. I lived at the bottom of the street. The rich people lived at the top. Just a few blocks from us was where poverty lived. Black people lived on one side of the town. White people lived in the rest. A hold over from the days of segregation. I did not live through desegregation. (The law of that happened before I was born.) One of my best friends growing up was black. I stayed at her house on the other side of town. She stayed at my house. My favorite teacher was black. I never thought about it. She was just a great teacher. She loved me. I loved her. She just happened to be my good friend’s mother. They lived there, and continued to live there, because that was where family property was. I never asked them about being black. I didn’t know to ask. I didn’t know it was that different. I asked why she slept in a shower cap. That was a difference I could see. So I asked. I wish I had known to ask more. But, I didn’t.

As an adult, I’ve lived in 2 cities. I did not like the hustle and bustle of the city. I hate traffic! It wasn’t about diversity or crime. It was about the hurry. I did not like it. 

For the past 20 years I have lived in 2 small towns in the deep south. I love the south. I love the climate. I love the history. I love the manners. I love the people. But today, it makes me nobody. Far removed from the issues we are facing. Or so I am told. 

But, let me clear something up. I am SOMEbody. I am a daughter of the King. Joint heirs with His son Jesus. Righteous through the blood He shed. The core of my heart was evil. Just as everyone’s is. But Jesus came and cleaned it. Made it new. And because of that, and only that, am I able to love and see people as He sees people. Because of that, my heart breaks because I know his heart breaks. Because of that, I want to know more. I want to understand. 

The crimes we see today are simply a surface problem of a much deeper issue. Racism is still here. It always will be. It’s in every country. (Again, evil heart.) But we have to see the core of it all. I’ve watched it happen over my lifetime and it’s escalated to an alarming size. There is an overall devaluing of human life. 

That anyone could sit and film a man dying while another man (police or not) have their knee on his neck is horrific. They cared more about getting the video than helping save a man’s life. 

That anyone could film and watch an elderly man bleed out on a sidewalk because a police officer pushed him down, while yelling someone needs to help him is horrific. They cared more about getting the video than helping save a man’s life. 

That not ONE person stepped in to help the elderly man laying on the street gives me deep chest pains. NOT ONE!! The police officers looked at him and walked off as they called for an ambulance. Hundreds of protesters stood and looked at him, shouting for someone to help him.

How many stood around George Floyd and watched him die under the knee of the officer. Were they afraid? Without a doubt. But it’s time for us to relearn the value of a human life. 

SOMEONE HELP THEM! Stop watching them die. Value their life over your own fears. 

I don’t know how to end this blog, because there is no end. I pray someone reads this and next time they see harm coming to another human being, they remember and decide human life is more important than the video. Human life is more important than their fear. Human life is worth stepping in to save. Every human life!

I will. Because I am not nobody. I am a reflection of Jesus and he values life to a point that He gave His very own for every one.

11 thoughts on “I Am Nobody

  1. When I first starting reading your message, I kept saying out loud, “You are not a nobody. You are a child of God and that makes you special.” Then, by the end of your post, I was saying, “Yes, yes. We are a reflection of Jesus.” I pray we all remember to show His love.

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  2. Hi Barb. I suppose some feel a need to document the unjust behavior of police because it becomes the evidence needed to incriminate someone. I can understand that side of the video camera because there often is nothing that can be done without such evidence. I fought a traffic ticket once and the officer retold a different story than the truth. I could do nothing to defend my case because the judge chose to believe the officer instead of me. But I understand your point and wonder the same thing when I see videos like these. A person has the presence of mind to shoot a clear video, but can’t sort through the reality of a person in need. That is an injustice in itself. Thank you for raising our attention to it.

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  3. My identity is only found in Christ. And as long as others don’t look to Christ then they will find hate in the world. Thanks for sharing your heart on this matter. Very powerful words.

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  4. Well said, sister! Well said! You and I have the same topic today. Thank you for sharing your story. I’ve actually dropped to the floor to hold a prisoner seizing from her epilepsy as guards and other prisoners stood by doing nothing. When she had been cared for and was removed to the medical bay, the other prisoners, mostly black, in our prison recovery program turned and said to me, “Now we know you really love us.” Yes. Yes, I do. Acting, actually doing something, must happen if we truly love. If we just turn and walk away now, or merely film the scene, we’ve only uttered words. We have not followed the command to love one another. We must listen, learn, and love.

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  5. Barb, thank you for sharing these profound and heartfelt truths. You captured so many points in this reflection. The love between you and your sweet childhood friend and her mom, your teacher. The innocence of childhood love which only noticed the shower cap. You make a very important point… is the video more important than the saving of a life? May we all do the part we are called to, putting down the camera, to save the life. Each one matters and is precious to God and to the world.

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